fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
