found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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