erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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