I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
