I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
