Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
