she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
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At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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