Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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