I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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