Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
