I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
