We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
do herpes really smell.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
