come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
