My first STD was from a foam party
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
