he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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