8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
