Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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