God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
