im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
