3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
