If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She's the barista slut.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
