His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
