I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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