she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
