We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Enjoy the penises
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
