i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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