yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
