I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
