i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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