And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
