bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
