Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
