so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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