Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
