so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
