You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
