Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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