I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
