I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
