I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
