If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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