Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
