I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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