she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
