I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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