hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
