Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
