If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
