He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
