Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
