I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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