fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
