People in love make me want to vomit
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
