And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
