Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
