Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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