I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he shaved USA in his pubs
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
