What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
