This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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