it hurts more in the daytime
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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