white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
