After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
