she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Enjoy the penises
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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