so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize