Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize