Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
