Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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