Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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