New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He kissed a someone with a penis
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
