I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You may now shotgun with the bride
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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