just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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