I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
