Sober January is a disaster.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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