Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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