I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
