Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
