she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
