I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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