the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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