I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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