I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
