I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
