Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
