Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
