also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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