I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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