I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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