mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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