I wish I could punch you in the face.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
false alarm, still single
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
