Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
