i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Randomize
