ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
