You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
