remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
