Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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