It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
