I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
