I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
