Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
