I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
