When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I did not marry a roomba.
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