How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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